EruRi: How it began
by aych13
Summary: A somewhat fluff story about how Levi and Erwin's deeper relational intimacy actually started. Takes place approximately 8 months after Levi grudgingly agreed to join the Scouts.


Levi had been in the survey corps for nearly a year. During that time, Erwin had heard two main things about him from the squad leaders—that he was the most talented soldier they'd ever seen, and that he was so coldly isolated and volatile that it held him back in combat and made his teammates afraid of him. Levi's time in the Scouts had continued much like it began—with absolutely unrivaled combat skills...and frequent fights and outbursts between him and other Scouts. This had gotten especially bad since Furlan and Isabel were killed; it was like Levi had only two gears left: numb, and rage.

Erwin had tried talking to him about how he was doing, how the Scouts could help him, but those conversations had gone exactly nowhere: after glaring up at the Commander and making some noise of disdain, Levi would cross his arms, stare at the floor, and refuse to say anything else on the topic.

Erwin kept thinking about him though. Even other Scouts—particularly those with more emotional insight like Zoe Hange—suspected that much of Levi's "bad attitude" was designed to keep people away. Little was known of Levi's history prior to his underground crime career, and Levi himself certainly wasn't giving any secrets away. But while Erwin saw family-like bonds form frequently between other members of the Scouts, Levi had no real relationships since his two friends had died. Hange being Hange, she continued pestering Levi to the point that she wore him down a bit; he at least spoke to her and traded the occasional sarcastic barb. With Erwin himself, Levi was respectful in a subdued, simmering sort of way. Erwin knew that Levi at least grudgingly respected him—unparalleled though Levi was when it came to killing titans, in person-to-person combat Erwin was superior, and he knew Levi recognized that. He had seen it in Levi's eyes the day they first caught him—Levi's surprise at how easily Erwin had overpowered him after Levi fought Mike.

Erwin sensed that the intensity of Levi's anger about being caught and basically forced to join the Scouts had mellowed significantly; it had been replaced by something more nebulous, but almost suffocating in its depth: dark, brooding anguish hung around Levi like a black cloak. Erwin thought he understood at least some of what was going on—fighting other humans for resources like he had in the underground was a far cry from almost daily watching humans eaten and torn apart. Joining the Scouts had catapulted Levi into a whole other dimension of horror, and Erwin was well aware of it.

As Erwin became more used to Levi and felt he at least had a rough understanding of what was driving Levi's present angst, he felt increasingly like the time was coming when he would be able to break through to him. Erwin could not even imagine how skilled Levi could become if he wasn't expending so much energy on his temper. At the moment, the anger was simply something he carried everywhere, oozing it onto everything...an indiscriminate bomb that was likely to explode onto anyone who got in Levi's way. If there was such a thing as rage at the whole world, Levi was perfecting the art. Thus Erwin was relatively confident now that Levi no longer bore him personally any hatred; it was just Levi's baseline state at present. With this increased understanding of Levi's mentality, Erwin felt more confident that continuing to reach out to him was the best course of action, both for the sake of the Scouts and for Levi's own untapped potential.

A few days later, Zoe Hange all but crashed into Erwin's office, out of breath and more wild-eyed than usual. Between her gasps, Erwin pieced together that Levi's squad leader Marcus—with whom Levi had never gotten along—had lambasted Levi upon return from a mission, blaming him for the deaths of that day, as well as referencing the deaths of Furlan and Isabel. Because of his arrogance and refusal to work as a team, Marcus had spat, Levi would get everyone around him killed.

At that, Levi's already pale skin had drained to ghost white, and—as Hange put it—Levi "completely flipped his shit." He attacked Marcus with a level of aggression beyond anything he had done previously, and he and the squad leader were still fighting at that moment. No one could contain Levi.

Erwin sprinted outside, his mind keeping pace with his feet. He decided on the spot that the time had come to see this all the way through; leaving Levi alone to smolder was not working.

He burst through the outside door, Zoe close on his heels. He took the situation in with a glance: a group of clearly terrified Scouts, some half-heartedly trying to pull Levi off the squad leader but obviously afraid to touch him; Levi on top of Marcus, violently trembling from head to toe, and locked sword to sword with the squad leader, who was pinned beneath him and looking petrified. The blades were mere inches above the latter's throat, and Levi showed no signs of backing down; indeed it was only the fact that Marcus outweighed Levi by more than 50 lbs that had saved him til this point.

The group of Scouts turned at Erwin's approach, as Erwin's deep, commanding voice boomed "LEVI! Stop NOW."

Levi let out a strangled yell, half turning; Erwin could see his eyes were alight with frenzied hatred. The momentary distraction allowed Mike to tackle Levi off of Marcus's chest, and he and Erwin jumped on Levi and pinned him to the ground. Hange wrested the sword from Levi's hand, then helped Erwin and Mike drag him away from the other Scouts and into an empty room on the first floor of HQ. They left the rest of the Scouts to deal with Marcus; Erwin had intervened in time to prevent him from getting injured. Levi was still fighting to get free, but he wasn't as frantic as he had been outside.

Within the confines of the large room, Erwin made his decision.

"Mike, Zoe, let go of him."

"Are you sure?!" Hange screeched as Mike looked at Erwin incredulously.

"Do it." Erwin said firmly. "But please stay in the room for now."

Zoe and Mike looked at each other, then at the same moment relinquished their grip on Levi.

They backed away while Erwin held Levi's wrists in much the same way he had during the first encounter he ever had with Levi, in the underground.

Unlike that day, though, Erwin didn't let go.

Levi wrenched his body around trying to attack Erwin, shouting aloud in rage. Erwin responded by quickly flipping Levi around so his back was to Erwin; taking advantage of his much larger size, he forced Levi's arms against his chest and at the same time pulled Levi backward so he was restrained against Erwin's body. Levi continued to rage, trying desperately to free himself and fight back, but Erwin had decided this needed to be a showdown they played out to the end—that Levi needed to see that there was someone stronger than he was, who could contain him even when Levi lost control. Thus, Erwin was not going to let Levi go until he calmed down.

Mike and Hange watched uneasily; they were not at all sure what Erwin was going for here. They weren't particularly afraid for his safety, but they hadn't had a situation quite like this before. Levi had since the beginning been a curious combination of dark intimidation and almost childlike vulnerability that was—paradoxically—only emphasized by Levi's refusal to show any emotion other than anger. Consequently, they hovered attentively on the perimeter should Erwin need them, but tried to give him space for whatever he was trying to do with Levi.

Levi's energy to fight seemed almost limitless, but little by little the frantic rage on his face was replaced by confusion, and even something like fear.

"FUCKING LET ME GO, ERWIN!" he finally screamed, trying anew to wrest out of Erwin's grasp.

Erwin's icy blue eyes filled with a compassion and gentleness that Zoe and Mike had never seen there before. He shook his head and said softly, "No, Levi."

"What the fuck do you mean, NO!?" The terror was very apparent in Levi's eyes now; he clearly was every bit as confused by Erwin's actions as Hange and Mike were.

"I mean….no," Erwin answered quietly. "I'm not letting you go until you stop this."

"Stop WHAT!?" Levi screamed. "I won't stop fighting, so save your goddamned breath!"

Erwin smiled slightly. "Levi…I don't want you to stop fighting. I want you to stop fighting US. I want you to stop tearing things apart long enough to tell me how badly you're hurting. You're fighting people who are not your enemies, and it's wasting what you could be."

Levi drew in a harsh breath. His eyes widened, and a look of dazed shock fell over his face. He looked, indeed, much like he had when he stumbled upon the remains of Furlan and Isabel all those months ago.

It was as though time itself paused at Erwin's words; Levi's expression was a suspended, anguished portrait as the mask finally began to slide off and a glimpse of everything behind it came crashing through.

"Levi," Erwin murmured very gently, "I've got you. Just let go."

Slowly Levi's trembling legs gave way. Erwin caught him as Levi's face crumpled and his body doubled over; Levi nearly gagged as wild, racking sobs tore out of him. They sounded so violent that initially Hange and Mike didn't know what was happening to him.

Erwin tightened his arms around Levi and slowly slid down the wall so he was holding Levi on his lap, Levi's head cradled against Erwin's chest. That was when Zoe and Mike saw tears positively flooding down Levi's face. He melted into Erwin's arms and clung to him desperately. Erwin smiled a gorgeous, gentle smile that Zoe would come to call his "Levi smile." He gazed down at Levi with something almost like pride, and tenderly stroked his face.

"That's the way…let it all out," he whispered, bending protectively over Levi so his chin rested on Levi's head. Levi's sobs deepened even more to the point he was gasping for breath; he drew his knees up and curled into a ball in Erwin's arms, his face buried against Erwin's chest. He had never in his life let himself cry like this, and certainly not with other people watching. But Erwin's admonishment had hit home: these were NOT his enemies. And he was so very, very tired of fighting everyone and everything when life already hurt so much.

Through a haze of tears, he saw Hange hesitantly come closer, and her wide brown eyes behind her square glasses were so kind. How had he never really seen her eyes before? Cautiously she knelt down in front of Levi and Erwin, and gently took Levi's hand. Levi hesitated, intense shame battling it out internally with a longing to finally accept comfort. At last he returned the gentle pressure and squeezed her hand back. Zoe could not suppress a small squeal of delight, but managed to mostly contain herself. She exchanged a smile with Erwin over Levi's head, and understood that she and Mike could leave. Both turned and walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind them.

Left alone with just Erwin, Levi at last wore himself out crying. His face was drenched and red and he could barely breathe in the aftermath of such violent sobbing. Erwin tenderly dried Levi's tears and pulled him closer into his chest, very gently rocking him. Silence dropped down around them, but it was peaceful rather than uncomfortable.

At last Erwin asked softly, "Levi…when was the last time anyone held you?"

Levi inhaled sharply. He paused, and more tears slowly leaked from his eyes. He didn't answer for a long time, then finally replied so quietly that Erwin had to lower his head closer to Levi's face to hear. "Not since my mom died. When I was a little kid."

Erwin gently cupped Levi's head in his hand and stroked his hair. "That's a very long time," he said.

Lost for words, Levi merely nodded.

Erwin continued, choosing his words and his tone with exquisite care. "Levi…." He murmured gently, "I am glad to hold you, and comfort you. I know this life I pulled you into is unbelievably hard. You are more skilled than anyone I've ever met, and you can absolutely fight titans alone…but you can't fight the whole world alone. You can't take care of your heart alone. You can't be everything you're capable of being if you're always alone. When you need to cry, or yell, or just have someone with you…I'm here. Never forget that."

Levi didn't speak, but he slowly, hesitantly reached one arm around and very softly placed his hand on top of Erwin's. The gorgeous smile danced across Erwin's face again at the tiny, precious attempt at affection. He paused, weighing his words. At last he added softly, "I want you to know….I love you, Levi. Zoe loves you. The Scouts are pulling for you, and they care about you. Not only are you not alone…you are LOVED."

Levi's breath caught; he raised his head to look up into Erwin's eyes, utter amazement on his face.

"You….they….LOVE me?" he managed in a choked whisper.

Erwin smiled down at him, still cradling him in his arms. "Yes, dear one. We do."

Levi's eyes widened in shock, his mouth slightly agape. Then, tears still in his eyes, a very small smile—the first Erwin had ever seen from him—crept across Levi's face, and it completely melted Erwin's heart. He had not even realized how much he wanted to see Levi smile until it happened…and it was sweeter and more beautiful than he could have imagined.

Even though only Levi, Erwin, Mike, and Zoe knew why, everyone in the Scouts noticed a change in Levi from that point on. He was still sarcastic and occasionally biting in his remarks, but the edge of reckless hatred they'd all sensed from him before was gone. His suspicions confirmed that the best way forward with Levi was positive reinforcement, Erwin removed him from under Marcus's leadership and entrusted him with his own squad. This brought out Levi's own compassion and empathy in ways it had not had a chance to be expressed since he had led Furlan and Isabel.

Finally, the Scouts could not help but notice that Levi went from pointedly avoiding Erwin to nearly always appearing in his company. And as he grew closer to Erwin, his combat skills exploded to astoundingly super-human levels. Though he would not understand it until later when he learned his own last name and family history, Levi had found his liege…and eventually his lover. Through slow relational healing of his emotional wounds and the unleashing of his Ackerman bond, Captain Levi went from a talented but otherwise mistrusted outcast to one of the most highly regarded and respected members of the entire Scout Regiment.

Thanks for reading my first story, guys—hope you enjoyed!


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